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jennifers-photo-stories-22曾铮的图片故事(22)

2017年08月09日 1:02 PDF版 分享转发

August 08, 2017

作者: ,来源:作者博客,文章取自网络,旨在为读者提供多元信息,文章内容并不代表本网立场和观点。

A New Beginning at 30 三十岁的新生

Since I decided to take a photo of myself at each birthday when I was 16, for 15 years, I had been sticking to this “tradition” very strictly and faithfully. And these two photos were taken at my 30th birthday.

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自从16岁那年决定以後每个生日都要照纪念照以後,我一直将此「传统」坚持得很好,年年不落地照相,这两张是我30岁的生日照。

Between my 16th and 30th birthday, a lot of important things happened: getting into Peking University, one of the best universities in China; becoming a graduate student of the same university without having to sit the entrance examination due to my extremely outstanding performance in undergraduate years; graduating with a Master of Science Degree; becoming a policy researcher and consultant at the prestigious and highest level government policy research and consultancy body: the Development Research Centre of the State Council of China; getting married and then giving birth to a lovely daughter; encountering medical negligence during childbirth and having my health totally ruined…Actually when I took these two photos, I was still in long-term sickness leave, and had not been able to work or look after my daughter for four years. 

从16岁到30岁之间,我的人生中发生了许多大事:考上北大,又因成绩优异被推荐免试上了北大的研究生,拿到理学硕士学位,毕业後进入中国最高级别的政策研究和谘询机构:国务院发展研究中心,结婚生女,然後又由於分娩时遭遇的医疗事实,健康彻底被毁……事实上,一直到我照这两张生日照时,我仍然处於休病假状态中,四年都未能工作,也无力照看女儿。

With so many ups and downs in between, the mood of a 30-year-old me was very different from that when I was 16. But one thing remained the same, and perhaps more intensive; and that was the self-consciousness and self-pity. There is a saying in China that “A 30-year-old man is like a flower; whilst a 30-year-old woman is like soya-bean residue.” Soya-bean residue is of course no good anymore for almost anything.

在经历这麽多事情之後,30岁的我,与16岁的我,心情已大不一样。但有一样东西却未曾改变:那就是自伤自怜,而且现在自怜的理由更加充足。人不是都讲「男人三十一枝花,女人三十豆腐渣」吗?女人过了三十,还有什麽想头?照这组生日照,真是有「最後的哀歌」的意味。

I cannot imagine what would had happened to me after I took my 30th birthday photos if “that thing” had not happened. But one thing would have been very sure, that was, I would have continued to take many birthday photos.

However, because of “that thing”, these two photos became the last “edition” of my birthday photos.

我不敢想像,如果後来没有「那件事」发生,我的人生将走向何方。但有一件事是可以肯定的,那就是我还会忠实地每年不落地照我的生日照。

然而,由於有了「那件事」,这两张30岁的生日照成了「绝版」,因爲自那以後,我再也没有照过生日照了。

And what was exactly “that thing”? 

Well, “that thing” is: I took up Falun Gong between my 30th and 31st birthday.

After reading four Falun Gong books twice within two weeks, I felt like a blind person suddenly given the gift of sight, as if a paper window had been pierced and the endless panorama of nature’s mysteries revealed to me. It’s no exaggeration to say that these four books shook me more than all the other books I had ever read put together. 

From these books I gained a totally new understanding of everything, and most importantly, of the purpose of human life. 

那到底是什麽事能让我有这麽大的改变呢?

嗯,就是我在31岁的生日来临之前找到了法轮大法。

在一口气将四本书籍阅读两遍之後,我感觉就像瞎子开了眼,又觉得似乎是有一层窗户纸被捅破了,窗外无尽的天机源源不断的涌进来,让我的大脑几乎不能承受……

从此後,我对世界的看法全然改观。而其中最重要的是,我明白了生命的真谛和来世做人的目的。

I also knew that what I believed to be impossible and inevitable before could actually be controlled and changed. Sickness, aging, bad luck, fate, human stupidity and even death itself,… were no longer that formidable, and were actually changeable and conquerable.  

With new realization of so many things, I felt that I had suddenly been completely set free spiritually, with all the worries and self-pity completely gone. What were left in my heart were ever-lasting lightness, happiness, gratitude, confidence, levelheadedness and firm faith in “Truthfulness-Compassion-Tolerance”. 

同时我也知道了,以前以爲不可战胜的、不可改变的一些事情,比如病症、衰老、厄运、命运、愚昧,甚至死亡……都不再是那麽可怕,甚至是可以战胜和改变的。

在了解到这麽多「天机」之後,内心真是获得了大自在、大解脱。那个自伤自怜的我再也不见了,取而代之是内心恒恒久久的轻松、自在、愉悦、安详、踏实、幸福、感恩、清醒、自信和坚定。

In other words, with a new understanding that what happened to my physical body did not really represent what happened to my true being, I no longer felt that my age of this physical body was that important. It even became meaningless in a sense, as it didn’t represent the age of my true being. 

在精神世界获得那样大的提升和飞跃之後,这个「臭皮囊」上发生的什麽事一下子变得那麽的无足轻重,我自然而然也就中断了已经坚持十五年的拍生日照的「传统」。所以这两张,就这样成了「绝版」。

Therefore, from then on, I have stopped my 15-year-long “tradition” of taking birthday photos. So, these two are the last ones that you’ll see. 

This also brings an end to my “Jennifer’s Photo Stories” series. For what happened after my 31st birthday, please either read my memoir “Witnessing History:One woman’s fight for freedom and Falun Gong”, or watch the award-winning documentary “Free China: the courage to believe” at:

https://www.facebook.com/jenniferzeng97/posts/965320766901896:0

不过,生日照虽然「绝了版」,但更多、更精彩的故事却从此开始。欲知後事如何,敬请阅读我的自传《静水流深》,或观看国际获奖影片《自由中国:有勇气相信》,链接爲:

https://www.facebook.com/jenniferzeng97/posts/965320766901896:0

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