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柴玲，請閉上你的嘴! (2012.6.29)

驚聞六四23周年之際，原北京學運領袖柴玲女士，發表了原諒鄧、李和戒嚴軍人的公開信。她在公開信裏面說道：「我原諒鄧小平和李鵬。我原諒士兵們衝進1989年天安門廣場。我原諒目前中國的領導下，繼續壓制自由和實行殘酷的獨生子女政策」。

看到這段話，我十分的驚詫，柴玲以她皈依基督的名義，要求用基督文化，寬恕文化去對待鄧、李和戒嚴的軍人。請問柴玲，你這個話代表誰？是代表六四的參与者嗎？還是代表六四那些逝去的亡魂？

你能夠說出這麼無知的話，是不是因為你這麼多年來一直在美國沐浴著自由的春風，動輒以六四功臣，學生領袖的身份在西方招搖顯擺，根本就沒有感覺過疼吧？但你難道忘記了你是來自被民主和自由冰封的中國，那裡還有那麼多你的同胞，正在忍受著人間苦難！

23年來，受難者經歷的悲痛，你感受了多少？那麼多你的六四同道參与者，有的當天就倒在了現場，你能想象出，他們是如何閉上他們憤怒的眼睛的嗎？有的身體殘缺，在忍受著精神和肉體上的雙重苦難，尤其是他們的父母，這麼多年來，有一位父親因為看不到希望，就在不久前，選擇了走自殺這條路。更有很多普通學生，受到清算，有的被學校開除，有的受到就業歧視，至於那些被勞動教養，被判刑的全國各地的學生領袖或者各地的示威者，包括很多工人和城鄉居民等，他們所受到的非人磨難，是你一句寬恕就可以了結的嗎？

沒有六四，就沒有「黃雀行動」，就更沒有你柴玲。今天你可以在海外享有著西方的物質文明和輿論自由的話語權，你能站在岸上望著落水者來談寬恕，是因為你乘著救生艇上了岸，已經不需要考慮船沉下去的危險，在那裡喬裝善者吧？你寬恕他們，那麼請問，六四難道是你個人和鄧小平、李鵬之間的私人恩仇嗎？

如果你當時選擇留在了中國，那麼當你經受過每天被跟蹤，被監視，被調查，你每一個電話，每一個朋友，甚至你每一個私人之間的親密言行，都被警察嚴密掌握，你還會說出寬恕他們的話嗎？

如果你當時選擇留在了中國，那麼當你經受過被關押，被審訊，被逼供，被羞辱，被剃光你的頭髮，在看守所，在法院，在監獄，在被一群獄警手持警械，威逼你蹲下甚至是跪下的時候，當你的尊嚴經受著人格的震顫的時候，你還會說出寬恕他們的話嗎？

如果你當時選擇留在了中國，即使你堅持到出獄后，也不能隨便選擇你想居住的城市，不能隨意選擇你想從事的工作，你的親朋好友不能和你有正常的往來交流，你昔日的愛人因為你給對方帶來的前程上的影響，和你一刀兩斷，劃清界限，甚至變成了你的仇人，你還會說出寬恕他們的話嗎？

你居然會說出你每天在為鄧、李和戒嚴軍人祈禱的話語。我想問，那些飄逝在六四廣場上的冤魂，你為他們禱告了嗎？那些失去親人的天安門母親們，你為他們禱告了嗎？那些為理想和民主獻身的，把青春全部送在了囹圄裏面，在牢獄里受盡身心折磨的六四學子，青年教師，城市平民，你為他們禱告了嗎？

在幾年前一部敘述六四的紀錄片里，你表達了你當時自己不想死，但覺得有必要讓大批人去死——因為這樣才能引起震撼來產生革命。也就是說：作為一個學生領導人，你要用別人的鮮血來打開民主的道路。你有沒有捫心自問過：誰來寬恕你？

什麼叫寬恕？受害者的苦難沒有結束，加害者沒有絲毫悔意，六四的真相，包括究竟誰是元兇？誰是受害者？死難人數是多少？受傷及受迫害的人數是多少？叫什麼名字？當這些基本的真相我們都不清楚的情況下，何談寬恕？在沒有真相的前提下，去談任何寬恕，就是對受難者的極大的不尊重。

曼德拉曾被關壓27年，受盡虐待。他就任總統時，邀請了三名曾虐待過他的看守到場。當曼德拉起身恭敬地向看守致敬時，在場的所有人乃至整個世界都靜了下來。他說：「當我走出囚室、邁過通往自由的監獄大門時，我已經清楚，自己若不能把悲痛與怨恨留在身後，那麼我仍在獄中！

教皇約翰・保羅二世曾經到監獄去看望在梵蒂岡聖彼得廣場向他開槍的土耳其人刺客阿加，並對他表示寬恕。而這個前提是因為刺客為自己的行刺行為感到心神難安，當他「理解了在他的力量―――開槍和殺戮的力量之上，還有一個更為偉大的力量」的時候，已經深深為自己的行為懺悔。

曼德拉可以談寬恕，他寬恕獄警，是因為獄警已經停止加害，種族隔離已經結束。因此曼德拉可以把悲痛與怨恨留在獄中，教皇約翰・保羅二世也可以談寬恕，他寬恕刺客，是因為刺客已經心神難安，深深懺悔。因此教皇約翰・保羅二世可以用靈魂去感召兇手。

但你柴玲沒有資格說這個話。

你可能把你自己當成了曼德拉和昂山素季這樣的政治家了。不錯，政治家的抱負允許矯情，但是學者的天職是探究真相，個人可以寬恕個人，歷史卻不會饒恕任何罪惡。你認為你只要信了基督，就可以談寬恕，那麼請問二戰後，紐倫堡法庭，對納粹罪行執行審判的人，難道他們中沒有信仰基督的虔誠者嗎？

你要問我為什麼對你這番話嚴重不滿，那是因為我經歷了你沒有受過的苦難。你可以矯情，而我必須探求真相。你是北京高自聯21位被通緝的學生領導之一，我是南京高自聯17位被通緝的學生領導之一，你是黃雀行動後到達美國的學生領袖，而我們是放棄黃雀行動營救，並堅持在中國探索民主的那批不屈不饒的人。因為我們堅信，並不是所有人都需要到美國，去建設中國民主。

我們堅持下來，當然有天真的成份，認為政府不會秋後算賬的。南京所有高自聯的領導，沒有一個從南京流亡海外，但是我們所有的學生負責人，都還是做好了要付出代價的心理準備的。當這一天很快就到來的時候，幾乎所有的學生領導人，基本都進了看守所。我們十分明白拒絕黃雀行動的結果，就是大部分人被清算，被關押，我本人是8964后被審查，繼而被政府判刑，先後關押過多個看守所，並在監獄里渡過了2500多個日日夜夜，直到97年香港回歸后才出獄的。和我一起的很多同案，是有著太多相同經歷的優秀學子們，他們雖經不同年限的關押，卻從來沒有放棄過自己的信念。

我們相信，要奮鬥，就會有犧牲。我們從來就沒有怨悔過，比起廣場上那些已經為民主獻出生命的遇難者來說，我們仍然活著，還能為理想繼續奮鬥著，就已經是最大的幸運。

因為六四后被通緝和追查的原因，你和很多民運人士，到達了西方，為中國的民主事業保留了一批骨幹，我們十分尊重你們的選擇。我們始終關注你們在境外對中國的民主事業所做的每一件事情。

你們保存下來的目的，是為中國民主革命做奉獻的，而不是去背叛民主革命意志，去為屠夫唱寬恕之歌的。

你可以代表你自己去寬恕任何一個人，但請不要以上帝的名義。

多年來，我個人始終認為，推動中國的民主，決不在西方，更不在美國，境外僅僅是保護了你們的人身自由，但塑造思想，要靠你們的個人修行，歷史上很多民主思想家的產生，民主精英活動家的誕生，都需要太多的因素，不僅要有個人魅力、學識才華、也要有道德涵養、苦難磨礪，才能達到為民主獻身而始終無怨無悔的境界。至於像你這樣的所謂民主精英，用嘩眾取寵的方式，去寬恕一個根本就沒有絲毫悔意的加害者，並在境外搭建著空中樓閣，來建設什麼你理想中的自由民主之中國，我看就如同在沙漠里行舟。

在這裏我只能對你說一句，你個人可以寬恕任何人，但是歷史不會饒恕罪惡。23年已經過去了，我們也已經人到中年，雖然我們每個人都是渺小的，不過是歷史的匆匆過客，但作為學生領袖，是要有擔當的。

請放棄你的輕浮和淺薄，去好好研讀你的聖經吧。因為你做一個修女都還沒有合格，就更不要說去做一個聖女了。

Chai Ling, Please Shut Your Mouth!

Upon the 23rd Anniversary of June 4, I am shocked to learn about a public letter written by the previous students leader of Beijing, Ms. Chai Ling, in which she forgives Deng Xiaoping, Li Peng as well as the martial troops. Ms. Chai said in the letter, 「I forgive Deng Xiaoping and Li Peng. I forgive the military soldiers who tramped into the Tiananmen Square in 1989. I forgive the continuous suppression of freedom and cruel One-Child Policy led by the current leaders of the Chinese government.」

The above words came to me as tremendous shocker. In the name of her faith as a Christian, Chai Ling is calling for regarding Deng and Li with the Christian culture or the forgiving culture. I want to ask Chai Ling: Whom are your words representing? Are you representing everyone participated in June 4? Or the souls of those who died on June 4? Is it because you have been enjoying the breeze of freedom all these years in the U.S. that you could possibly utter these shameless words? Modeling around the western world crowned as the 「Students Leader」 or 「Hero of June 4, you have must have been feeling little pain any more, if at all. But have you forgotten that you are from a China, a country that is still frozen from freedom and democracy and your country folks are still suffering the hardship as humans?!

Let me ask you, Chai Ling, what are you forgiving with? In the past 23 years, how much hardship of the participants have you experienced? So many of your comrades of June 4, they fell right in front of you that very day. Can you imagine how they closed their infuriated eyes? Some lost part of their bodies and have been pulling through excruciating pains both physically and mentally, let alone their parents for all these years. I know one of the fathers chose to commit suicide not so long ago out of despair. There are many more students who have been persecuted by the government, expelled from the schools, discriminated by the employers. As to those who were sent to the labor camps and sentenced to jails, including all the students leaders and demonstrators across the country, including many workers and civilians, all the inhumane treatments they have been subjected to, could be forgiven with an 「Amen」 from you?

Without June 4, there would have been no 「Yellow Bird Rescue Plan」, much less any more Chai Ling. Today you can enjoy the material civilization of the west and its freedom of speech. Today the reason you can talk about forgiveness while standing on the bank watching the drowning ones fighting for their lives in the water, is because you have made to the bank with a life boat and no longer have to worry about when the boat is sinking. You are forgiving them, then does it make June 4 your personal feud with Deng and Li?!

Had you chosen to stay in China, and experienced what it is like being followed and watched every day, being investigated, every single phone call you make, every friend you contact, even all the personal intimate words you would have with them, everything monitored by the police, are you still able to say that you forgive them?

Had you chosen to stay in China and gone through being jailed, interrogated, tortured, humiliated, in the jail, in the courthouse, in the prison, being forced to crouch or kneel with clubs slamming your head by the police, when your dignity is shattered and trotted over, are you still able to say that you forgive them?

Had you chosen to stay in China, even if you make it till your release from prison, you are not allowed to choose the city you want to settle in, nor to pick any job you desire. Your friends and relatives cannot maintain a normal relationship with you. Your previous lover decides to break up with you or even become an enemy of you, because his future is at risk because of you, are you still able to say you forgiven them?

It is hard to believe that you would 「pray for Deng and Li and the troops every day」. Have you prayed for the angry souls floating above Tiananmen Square? Have you prayed for the 「mothers of Tiananmen」 who lost their beloved children? Those who died for their dreams and democracy, who dedicated their best years to the prisons, who suffered all the physical and mental tortures you could possibly imagine, the students, the teachers, the civilians — have you prayed for them???

In the documentary a few years ago talking about June 4, you indicated that you did not want to die at the time, but thought it was necessary to send many other people to die, because that would bring the shock to the world and produce revolution. In other words, as a students leader, you want the path to democracy to be paved with other people』s blood. Have you ever asked from the bottom of your heart: who will forgive you?

What is 「forgiveness」? When the victims』 sufferings are continuing and the criminals not showing a single sign of repentance, the total truth of June 4 yet to be released, including who were the masterminds? Who were the victims? How many people died? How many were injured and persecuted? What are their names? When these basic truths are still covered up, what could the forgiveness be based on? Before there is any truth, it is the ultimate disrespect to the victim to talk about 「forgiveness」.

Nelson Mandela was jailed for 27 years after all the maltreatments. When he was sworn in as President, three of the jail guards who abused him were invited to the ceremony. When Mandela stood up and paid respect to those three guards, everyone at the ceremony and of the world fell into silence. Mandela said, 「When I walked out of jail and walked towards the gate of freedom, I am fully aware that if I can not leave behind all the sadness and hatred, then I would still be in jail!」 Mandela could talk about forgiveness. He could forgive the jail guards, because they had stopped committing the sins and apartheid had ended.

Pope John Paul II went to the prison and visited the Turkish assassin Agca who attempted to shoot him at the St. Peter』s Square, and showed the assassin his forgiveness. Yet the condition of the forgiveness was the Agca had felt the guilt and sin of his actions, and when he 「understood there is a higher power above firing and killing」, he deeply repented his actions. Pope John II could talk about forgiveness and he did forgive his assassin because of the repentance. Mandela could leave the sadness and hatred in the prison and Pope John II could touch a killer with his soul, but Chai Ling, you do not have that entitlement.

Maybe you have mistaken yourself with politicians like Mandela and Aung San Suu Kyi. It is true that a politician』s ambition has room for affectation, , but a scholar』s job is to always search truth. An individual can be forgiven by another individual, but history never forgives any sin. If you believe you are entitled to talk about forgiveness just by believing in Christianity, then those trying Nazi』s at the Nuremberg courthouse after WWII, wasn』t anyone of them a Christian?

Do not ask why I cannot disagree any more with your words. It is because I have endured all the tortures you have not. You can choose to put on a refined show, but I must search for truth. You were one of the 21 students』 leaders of the Confederation of Beijing Universities who were issued arrest warrants. I was one of the 17 students』 leaders of the Confederation of Nanjing Universities who were issued arrest warrants. You were a student』s leader arriving in US after being rescued by the 「Yellow Bird Rescue Plan」, but we were the ones who gave up on the rescue and chose to stay in China and search tirelessly for democracy. Not everyone has to go to the United States to help build democracy in China. We choose to persevere after making peace with our mind to pay the price. None of the students leaders from the Confederation of Nanjing Universities went into exile overseas after June 4. Almost all of us had gone in jail. The consequence of our refusal of the 「Yellow Bird Rescue」 was that most of us were jailed and persecuted. I myself was investigated after 1989, then arrested and sentenced by the government. Having been locked up in various jails, I spent more than 2,000 days in prison until 1997 after the return of HongKong. 

Together with me, there are many outstanding students who had similar experiences. After short of long time in prison, they have never given up their faith. We firmly believe that fighting comes hand in hand with sacrifice. We have never complained or regretted. Comparing with those who lost their lives for democracy, we are still alive, still fighting for our dreams. That makes us the most fortunate ones already. 

Due to the arrest warrants and intensive searchings, you and many others involved in democracy movement went to the west and preserved a group of elites for China』s democracy cause. We respect your choices, and over the years we have been watching everything you have done for China』s democracy. However, I personally have always believed that the advance of the cause of China』s democracy cannot be accomplished from the west, much less in the U.S. Staying away from China merely secures your physical safety, but the cementing of your beliefs depends on your own work. The birth of numerous democracy thinkers and democracy elite activists involves many factors: not only personal charisma and rich knowledge but also moral self-discipline, endurance of sufferings and pains. Only after all those could they finally reach a place where they could willingly dedicate themselves to democracy without looking back. As to a so-called 「democracy elite」 such as you, being attention hungry and try to forgive a sinner who has shown no sign of repentance, to try to build a free and democratic China out of air in the western world, is no different than trying to row a boat in the desert as far as I am concerned.

In the end, I have one thing to tell you. You can choose to forgive anyone you want, but the history does not forgive any sin. Twenty three years have passed and we have all reached our middle age. Even though we maybe insignificant as an individual passerby in the history, but as 「Students Leaders」, we do assume extra responsibilities. Please lose your ignorance and superficiality. Study more Bible, as you still have ways to go to qualify as a nun, much less a Saint.