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jennifers-photo-stories-20曾铮的图片故事(20)

2017年08月07日 7:37 PDF版 分享转发

August 06, 2017

作者: ,来源:作者博客,文章取自网络,旨在为读者提供多元信息,文章内容并不代表本网立场和观点。

Two Faces of Mine 两张表情迥异的脸

These two photos were taken by a professional photographer hired to our school to shoot portrait photos for the so-called “三好学生”, which can be literally translated as “Three Good Student”, meaning students who excel at academics, sports, and moral integrity. And the photos were to be displayed and “worshiped”  by all the students for an entire year, until next year, when a new batch of “Three Good Students” were selected and honored. For a high school student, that was the highest form of honor.

这两张照片是我读高中时,由学校花钱请来的照相馆的专业摄影师照的,只有被评上「三好学生」的才有此「殊荣」。一年一度的所谓「德、智、体」全面发展的「三好学生」的评选是学校的大事。评上的学生被照相,照片被放大展览,供学生们膜拜一整年,直到第二年再评出新一批的「三好学生」。

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Initially I had been too serious; and the photographer asked me to smile or laugh. When I did laugh, he said I laughed too much. So in the end, they chose the serious-looking one to display. Many years later, I heard that a certain student would always have his lunch underneath the display board to admire the photos, but mainly to admire mine. 

给我照的时候,我一直绷着个脸,摄影师让我笑,我好容易笑了,他又说笑过了。最後还是选了那张不笑的挂出去展览。很多年以後,我听说有个同学每天中午端着饭碗蹲在那些照片下去吃,主要就是爲了认真向这些三好学生学习(你信吗?其实是看照片而已。)。

For a 15 year old me, to earn the “Three Good Student” title had somehow become THE most important thing in my life, as the whole system made it so. To excel at academics had never been a big deal, as I always scored very high in all sorts of exams. To excel at sports was a little bit harder, as I was not a born physically strong person. On the contrary, I had always been very weak with poor health.  In order to become a “Three Good Student”, I really worked myself very, very hard. But I did succeed after a lot of hard working and physical exercises.

对当时只有15岁的我来,在社会大环境和舆论的驱使下,争当「三好学生」成了我学生生涯的头等大事。「学习好」不是难事,因爲我一直能考第一,体育好有点难,国爲我生来体弱多病。爲了能当「三好学生」,我咬牙拼命锻链,最後体育课总成绩居然比人家考体校的人都高。名利心真是了不得!

And lastly, to excel at moral integrity actually meant to be obedient to the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), to the teachers; and to score high in politics exams by answering all the questions with “correct” answers. For example, you must say that it is the CCP that has led the Chinese people to the victory of “the War of Resistance Against Japan” even if it is not true. And after the crackdown of Falun Gong, you must answer that Falun Gong is an evil cult even if it is not; so far and so forth. 

那麽「德育」怎麽衡量呢?当然就是听党的话,听老师的话,热爱社会主义,政治考试按标准答案答题。说太阳从西边出来,你也说太阳从西边出来;共产党说它领导中国人民取得了抗日战争的胜利,你也说就是它领导了胜利……到镇压之後呢?共产党说法轮功X教,你也跟着这样答,那就能拿高分。

Now looking back at that time, I can clearly see how I dropped into the trap the CCP had set for me and other innocent children. They had set up a system, a set of standards not only for us to follow, but also for us to “willingly” adapt ourselves to, in order to excel in the society. In the end, we lose our personalities; we become part of the party machine; and we think and behave collectively and exactly in a way that the party designed for us.

所以,现在回头看看那些日子,我能清楚地看到自己和其他孩子们是怎样一步步掉入党所设的陷阱的。共产党设立了一套系统,一套「标准答案」让我们去自觉自愿调整自己来追随——如果你想在社会上出人头地的话。到最後,我们失去了个性,失去了人性,成爲了党的机器的一部分,用党给的标准来思考和行事。

And the “Three Good Student” selection has been part of the whole thing. I guess that was why I looked so unhappy in many of my high-school photos. Even if I didn’t know what I know now, there had been a part of me trying very hard to escape and avoid the pollution and manipulation. But there had also been a part of me that tried very hard to please, to get along with, and to “fit in” the society. And that was also the reason why we end up seeing these two photos of mine with such different expressions. 

那这个所谓「三好学生」的选拔呢?当然就是这一整套系统的一部分。我想,这就是爲什麽我高中时期的许多照片看起来都不开心的原因吧。虽然那时并不像现在这样可以清醒地思考和认识到共产党的邪恶,但生命中总有一部分在本能地拼命抵抗、逃避违反天性的一切。但与此同时,表面上掉入人的这一部分,也在热切地想取悦於党、适应这个社会,甚至还想要出人头地。

从这个意义上来说,这两张表情迥异的脸,就是被人性被撕裂的外在体现吧!

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